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It’s a good think I have a stand alone shower. I have all I can do to walk up steps holding the railing let alone step into a tub.Amya started the water and helped me undress. She smiled and told me to wait for her to get in first. She removed the t-shirt. She had no bra or panties on. Her black hair bush looked so inviting, but I didn’t move because she turned around and that’s when I saw her naked back side for the first time.I was shocked. I know she had been beaten and raped but I never imagined this sight. Her entrie back was covered in bruises. How she didn’t scream in pain I’d never know. Her cute butt still had some scratches on it from the forceful anal raping. One set of scratches started at the middle of her back and stopped at the bottom of her right butt cheek.“I’m ok love really. Now come on” Amya said holding her and out to me.I stepped in the shower and kissed and hold her. It was then that my love finally broke down.“AJ you are so wonderful and caring. I don’t. I wanted to know why he acted like that and why would he call me Master. "That's normal here. It's a sign of respect because you are white. The niggers here know their place," he told me. Then I asked about the Crows sign over the bathroom door. He went on, "Bathrooms are for white's only. Crows have to use the woods." It still took me a moment to process; niggers were crows.Even at my young age I knew that was outrageously wrong. Not that the N word itself bothered me; I'd seldom heard it and never heard any other word for the race; but the blatant, self-righteous degradation of people, simply because they weren't white, really bothered me. I wondered how my father could think that way. I never really got over it. To this day, I still experience pangs of guilt and shame when a black person renders what I think may be undue respect. I sure as hell don't want to be treated as special just because I'm white. It's not an accomplishment. I waited through an awkward delay after asking.
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